We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize