I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Randomize
