It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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