We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize