i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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