there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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