I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
