Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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