Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
