where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
