I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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