No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
