Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You can't special order awesome
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
