I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
