I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
