dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
