he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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