Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize