I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i think i have two assholes
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
