At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
And then my night got REAL pukey
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
