i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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