he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
