Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
