I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
