I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
