??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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