I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
well you can't waste a boner
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
