I hate your face
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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