He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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