Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
