He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
