remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
