If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
