i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
