just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
try to milk me bitch
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