I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
