Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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