windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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