Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
