And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
is wine microwaveable?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just want to make out with him forever
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
