if you like me you must not know who I am
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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