i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
