shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize