what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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