hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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