Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
