i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
