Heybabeimwearingurpanties
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
