is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
