Fuck appropriateness.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
