why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
