i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
