Who did Billy Mays play for?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
