We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
