i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
