think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
