Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
