Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
