If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
