2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I bet he comes in French.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Hippo gnu deer
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
