Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
